4 conversations to have before having sex
We’re living in a fast world with cheap thrills and easy sex available around every corner. Here’s how to stay sane and safe.
I am all for sex. And I am delighted that we are living in the times we are now, with greater equality than ever before and so much more fun to be had by so many more people.
That said, sex is something that can go wrong very quickly. And when it goes wrong, the consequences are devastating. We know that with great power comes great responsibility, and this extends to the bedroom (and the backseat of your car or the kitchen table or the shower or wherever else you plan to get off).
So when we’re dealing with something that is both so intimate and so explosive, it’s necessary to take certain precautions. The sensible man and woman will have these three conversations before embarking on a sexual relationship.
1) Consent
You never want to find yourself in a situation where consent is dubious. With the rape stats being what they are, any normal person would make sure the person they’re having sex with actually wants to have sex with them. And come on, in what universe is “Do you want to have sex with me” NOT considered sexy?
2) STIs and STDs
From something as innocuous (but terrifying) as pubic lice, to something as incurable (but treatable) as HIV, sexually transmitted diseases and infections are a very real fact of life. And if you think having the conversation around infection and protection is going to be awkward, just imagine how awkward it will be to tell your next partner that you have Syphilis.
3) Pregnancy
You know what’s not fun? Abortions. You know what’s also not fun? Raising a child you never planned on having. By yourself. So don’t come with that shit about the “heat of the moment” or “I never thought it could happen to me”. It can, and does happen every day. And the world has enough unwanted children in it without you adding to the problem because you can’t be bothered to take a pill, get a shot, use a condom or one of the wealth of other options out there. And, no, the pull out method isn’t one of them.
4) Define your likes and boundaries
If you know you only get turned on when you’re covered in peanut butter and spanked with a toilet brush, then you should share this info with your potential partner. People have varying sexual boundaries and one person’s kink could be someone else’s nightmare. Because what’s the point of having a sexual encounter if both of you don’t enjoy it? And questions like "Do you like it when I do this..." and "Mind if we try this..." will only make you a better lover.
I am all for sex. And I am delighted that we are living in the times we are now, with greater equality than ever before and so much more fun to be had by so many more people.That said, sex is something that can go wrong very quickly. And when it goes wrong, the consequences are devastating. We know that with great power comes great responsibility, and this extends to the bedroom (and the backseat of your car or the kitchen table or the shower or wherever else you plan to get off).
So when we’re dealing with something that is both so intimate and so explosive, it’s necessary to take certain precautions. The sensible man and woman will have these three conversations before embarking on a sexual relationship.
1) Consent
You never want to find yourself in a situation where consent is dubious. With the rape stats being what they are, any normal person would make sure the person they’re having sex with actually wants to have sex with them. And come on, in what universe is “Do you want to have sex with me” NOT considered sexy?
2) STIs and STDs
From something as innocuous (but terrifying) as pubic lice, to something as incurable (but treatable) as HIV, sexually transmitted diseases and infections are a very real fact of life. And if you think having the conversation around infection and protection is going to be awkward, just imagine how awkward it will be to tell your next partner that you have Syphilis.
3) Pregnancy
You know what’s not fun? Abortions. You know what’s also not fun? Raising a child you never planned on having. By yourself. So don’t come with that shit about the “heat of the moment” or “I never thought it could happen to me”. It can, and does happen every day. And the world has enough unwanted children in it without you adding to the problem because you can’t be bothered to take a pill, get a shot, use a condom or one of the wealth of other options out there. And, no, the pull out method isn’t one of them.
4) Define your likes and boundaries
If you know you only get turned on when you’re covered in peanut butter and spanked with a toilet brush, then you should share this info with your potential partner. People have varying sexual boundaries and one person’s kink could be someone else’s nightmare. Because what’s the point of having a sexual encounter if both of you don’t enjoy it? And questions like "Do you like it when I do this..." and "Mind if we try this..." will only make you a better lover.
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